Why You're Not Crazy, You're Just a Woman
Seven, Seven, Seven...
What’s up, my beautiful squad? Welcome back to the blog.
Alright, if the title of this post just made you burst out laughing, then you are officially my people. For those who missed the reference, go pull up the clip of Monica from Friends trying to explain female ergonomics to Chandler. Seven. Seven. SEVEN! No, you know what, we’re all busy and its too good to miss so here you go -
Today, we are lifting the skirt all the way up on a topic that we usually only whisper about with our closest girlfriends after two glasses of wine: female pleasure, sex toys, and the absolute rollercoaster of our hormones.
The gorgeous Lauren Goyette—our absolute favorite research-nerd sex coach—returned to the mic for Episode 3, and let me tell you, my logical, boxy brain was practically working overtime trying to track everything she was throwing down.
First of all, can we just celebrate Lauren for a second? Since she was last on the show, she went and got her Bachelor’s in Applied Psychology and is starting her Master’s in Social Work in August so she can officially become a licensed sex therapist. Talk about a woman executing her dreams!
But before we even got into the heavy science, we had to catch up on the fun stuff. You guys might remember that Lauren works with Athena’s Home Novelties (think of it like bringing the sex toy store right to your living room). Well, Simon and I have been testing out some of her recommended goodies, and let’s just say we are obsessed with this little sensation balm she hooked us up with. It is literally happy tingles in a little jar, and I have officially volunteered as her permanent product tester. You’re welcome!
But the real meat and potatoes of our conversation was a concept Lauren calls Intrinsic Rhythms.
Have you ever had a week where you’re on fire, crushing your business goals, and feeling super flirty—only to hit the next week and want to bite your partner's head off, order takeout, and hide under a blanket? And then, of course, you spend the whole weekend beating yourself up, wondering why you can’t just be consistent?
Lauren completely blew my mind with this reality check: The entire modern world is built on a 24-hour hormonal cycle based on testosterone. Men get a fresh batch of hormones every single morning. Vagina owners? We operate on a 28-day cycle. Our hormones are being released in completely different increments and doses every single week.
We are literally not supposed to feel the same every day. When we fight our bodies and try to force ourselves into that 24-hour corporate box, we end up in Burnout City.
Lauren broke down the four "seasons" of our cycle, and it completely changed how I look at my calendar:
Winter (The Menstrual Phase): This is your ultimate rest and reset. Your energy is internal and reflective. It’s a great time for reviewing the back-end of your business, but when it comes to intimacy? It’s all about being held, supported, and leaving the pressure to perform at the door. It's the "hold me, okay now go away" phase.
Spring (The Follicular Phase): This is where creativity blooms. It's the phase for brainstorming, starting new projects, and planting seeds. In the bedroom, it’s playful, spontaneous, and full of flirting.
Summer (The Ovulatory Phase): You are shining like the freaking sun. Your biochemistry actually changes to make you more magnetic. This is when you hit "launch" on your business, record your podcasts, and step into total erotic expression.
Fall (The Luteal Phase): Oh, welcome to Luteal Rage. This is the phase where anxiety and self-doubt love to creep in, but it’s actually your body’s fiercest tool for discernment. The things that irritate you this week are usually pointing to the exact boundaries you need to set and the hard conversations you need to have.
And for my ladies out there saying, "Sam, I have an IUD, I don’t bleed, how do I track this?" I asked her the exact same thing! Lauren explained that non-bleeders can sync up beautifully with the moon cycles. New moon is your winter/menstrual phase, and a full moon is your summer/ovulation phase (which explains why wild things always happen on a full moon!).
We also talked about how this ties into the subconscious mind. I shared my personal theory with Lauren that people with unhealthy, insecure attachment styles from a young age are way more susceptible to developing the Functional Neurologic Disorders (FND) that I work with in my wellness practice. Lauren totally agreed, reminding me that your body is constantly keeping score, and when we learn to stop fighting our natural rhythms and actually listen to what our bodies need, life gets an million times easier.
We are a box of chocolates, squad. One week we are vanilla-filled, the next week we are fudge, and that is exactly how we were designed to be.
So the next time you find yourself getting sensitive or irritated in a conversation with your partner, give yourself some grace. Write your current phase on the fridge like Lauren does, or just look at your partner and say, "Hey, I'm in my luteal phase right now. Let's put this conversation on the back burner until next week."
Trust your body. Stop fighting your flow.
If you haven't listened to the full episode yet, grab your iced coffee, head over to Spotify or Apple, and go get your masterclass in female pleasure.
Until next week... skirts up, but keep your panties on!
With so much love,
Samantha
