My Human Experience
If you caught episode one of this season, you know my husband Simon was in a severe car accident, and we’ve been full-time navigating his doctor appointments, physical therapy, and a completely reinvented day-to-day rhythm. Just as we were catching our breath, the universe apparently looked down and said, “Hold my drink.”
A few weeks ago, in the brand-new car we bought to replace his—before it even had its permanent license plate attached—someone ran a stop sign, T-boned me, and totaled it.
Yep. Another totaled car. I’m currently typing this with a sore neck, slathered in topical muscle relaxers, and wondering what cosmic hitman we accidentally offended. Simon actually asked ChatGPT what the mathematical probability is of totaling the exact same car model three times in a seven-month window. The verdict? One in a billion. So, at this point, we’re either due to win Powerball, or we just need to laugh at the absurd comedy of it all. Because when life throws punches that fast, if you don't laugh, you’ll end up permanently buried under the noise.
To offset the chaos, I did what any logical person would do: I got my hair dyed in radiant purples and pinks (huge shoutout to Marky in Decatur for making me look like a majestic wild unicorn!) and I adopted a five-week-old baby pig.
His name is Lenny. Well, he told me his full name was Leonard, but I can’t be yelling “LEONARD!” across five acres all day, so Lenny it is.
Lenny is adorable, but he served me a massive dose of humility. On his third day with us, I put him in an outdoor playpen so he could get some sun. I checked on him every single hour. Then I had a 90-minute window where I had to run out to pick up the kids from school. I came back, walked outside, and... zero pig.
Leonard “ Lenny”
Cue immediate motherly panic: Did a hawk carry off my baby pig?! Is he dead?! I cannot be the person who loses a baby pig on day three!
What followed was a full two-hour comedy of errors involving eight people—Simon, my neighbor, her kids, and me—sprinting across five acres like headless chickens trying to corner a pig that refused to be caught. Lenny ran the full perimeter of our property twice! By the time we finally surrounded him under the front porch, everyone was sweaty, out of breath, and thoroughly unimpressed. But standing there, covered in Georgia dirt, I had to remind myself: life rarely goes according to your neat little schedule, and sometimes, you just have to chase the pig.
Sliding Into the Dark: The Numbing Weight of Depression
Underneath the car wrecks, the colorful hair, and the farm antics, something much heavier had been quietly brewing. For the last two years, I’ve been on a total life high—loving my work, loving who I was becoming, and enjoying every single minute. But recently, I found myself sliding headfirst into a deep, heavy depressive funk.
Depression doesn’t announce itself with fireworks; it sneaks in on quiet feet. It started with days spent staring at the couch with my laptop open, my brain completely blank. Then low-demand activities started feeling like running a marathon. Watching TV felt exhausting. The background noise felt too loud. I’d find myself randomly crying on the couch without even knowing what I was crying about.
The real wake-up call? Realizing I couldn’t remember the last time I had taken a shower. For someone who is obsessed with being clean and takes baths religiously, that was the mirror slapped right in my face: Whoa, buddy. Something is seriously wrong here.
When you’re sitting in that heavy pit, the mean-girl voice in your head starts chiming in: “Your entire job at Sweet Soul Wellness is helping women step into their power and feel whole. Who on earth is going to trust you to guide them out of their hole when you’re stuck in your own?”
It felt like a total contradiction. But when I stopped spiraling and actually looked at it, I realized: It’s not a contradiction; it’s the human experience. Being a practitioner doesn't make me immune to dark seasons. Taking a wrong turn doesn't mean you're a fraud; it just means you got off track.
When I retraced my steps, I realized I hadn't fallen off a cliff—I had just slowly abandoned the small daily routines that keep me grounded:
Skipping the Pen: Deciding one night I was "too tired" to journal, and then just never picking the pen up again.
Ditching the Movement: Stopping my morning and evening stretches because my body felt heavy, leaving stress trapped in my muscles.
Trading the Woods for Work: Canceling my daily lunch walk in the woods with my dog, Linus, because it "didn't feel productive enough."
Bottling It Up: Deciding my heavy feelings weren't "important enough" to share with Simon because we had too many other life fires to put out.
Baby Steps Back to Bliss
When you find yourself deep in a funk, you can't shock your nervous system by trying to fix everything overnight. You have to take baby steps.
For me, that meant picking up the journal again—not forcing an hour-long deep dive, but just getting a few thoughts out of my head so my brain could rest. I’m actually bringing this exact journey over to my Instagram (@SweetSoulWellness), sharing daily prompts and real journal pages so we can baby-step our way back to alignment together. Reclaiming your bliss isn't about never falling off the wagon; it's about holding your own hand as you get back on.
Flowing with Your Inner Seasons (And the Moon!)
The biggest takeaway came from looking back through my old journals after talking with podcast guests who practice cyclical living. I noticed a wild pattern: my feelings of exhaustion, depression, and wanting to crawl into a cave weren't random at all. They were happening at the exact same week every single month!
During my luteal phase (my personal internal "winter"), I take everything ultra-personally. Simon and I banter constantly—it’s our love language! But in my winter phase, I’d write in my journal: “Does he even love me? Why is he being mean?”
Once I realized it was just my hormones playing tricks on me, I could tell him: “Hey babe, I’m in my luteal phase right now, so we need to tone down the banter because my feelings are tender.” Problem solved! No spiral necessary.
Right after that winter phase comes my spring—where I suddenly have genius ideas to write a book, plan a documentary, and change the world. Then comes my summer—that brief, magical window where my introverted self actually wants to leave the house and go party with my friends!
Whether you follow a bleeding cycle or align with the moon phases (I follow the Red Moon cycle!), learning your inner rhythms changes everything. It empowers you to be kind to yourself when you need rest, ride the wave when you have creative energy, and go with the flow instead of fighting your own body.
Back on the Road Together
If you’re reading this and feeling like you’re stuck in a dark funk, please hear me: You are not broken. You just took a wrong turn, and the road back to yourself is paved with small, gentle baby steps.
Be kind to yourself, laugh when the pig gets loose, talk to your people, and honor where you are today. We're in this together!
Until next week... skirts up, but keep your panties on!
